In 52 years, what have I learned?

I meant to write this for my 50^th – a list of stuff I’ve learned/realised/found important during my half century on the planet.  But for whatever reason I didn’t.  So now, 2 years on as I approach 52, I’m finally getting round to it – well, got to achieve something during lockdown other than attaining the status of functioning alcoholic.  I’ve added two additional points to account for the additional time.  Pearls of wisdom?  Probably not but they’re all important.  So, in no particular order…

1. Don’t be an asshole – just be kind.  I may have, at times, been the former but at the time I probably didn’t realise it.  So, if you were on the receiving end of my asshole behaviour from me then I’m truly sorry.  It was never my intention.  Unless you’re an anti vaxxer then you can just fuck off.  We don’t need your kind.  Move along please.
2. As well as being kind to others, be kind to yourself.  You can’t be a good wife/husband/friend/colleague/boss etc unless you prioritise yourself.  The most important relationship you’re ever going to have is the relationship you have with yourself.
3. Only say ‘I love you’ if you really mean it.  I’ve said it and didn’t mean it and know for sure when someone said it to me, they were spinning me a line.  It’s hurtful to be on the receiving end of such an untruth.
4. Find someone you want rather than need.  Find someone you can see yourself growing old with and grow with him/her together.  Wanting someone is akin to saying ‘I can live without you, but I just don’t want to’
5. I’m an introvert.  In truth I’ve always known this about me but I’m now totally comfortable being one.  When some people find this out they are surprised and say, ‘Are you sure?’  My response is usually along the lines of ‘Yep; a million percent sure. I first took the test in 1988 and it hasn’t really changed over the years.  Just because I can talk a lot and am sometimes loud, that doesn’t mean I’m an extrovert. I need ‘me’ time and can get exhausted if I spend too much time with people.’
6. If HRT medication was for men, then the TGA would have intervened by now to accelerate supplies.  It’s been 14 months people!!!
7. Marriage isn’t a case of saying ‘I do!’ and then expecting life to be perfect.  Like all relationships you have to work at it.  But if you’ve married the right person, you’ll figure it out.
8. You don’t need to buy top of the shelf, brand name champagne to experience bubbly greatness.
9. Being an adult is sometimes rubbish.  When I was younger, I just wanted to live on my own, eat Findus Crispy pancakes, eventually marry John Taylor from Duran Duran and have an easy life. Now, I still do sometimes want to live on my own, though the thought of Findus Crispy pancakes makes me want to vomit and John Taylor hasn’t worn well.  But I digress.  Being an adult looked glamorous and easy but it’s not.  It’s hard work, it’s complex, it’s tiring and sometimes it can be crap.
10. Find a GP you like and trust.  I’ve been seeing the same GP for 13 years and she’s amazing.  And related to this, listen to what your body is telling you; if something doesn’t feel right, then something isn’t right. 
11. Equally, don’t ignore toothache.  It probably won’t go away and there’s a chance you’ll end up in the ER screaming at a nurse begging for drugs at 11pm on a Friday night. Oh, and don’t forget to floss.
12. Cats, cats and more cats.  Fill the house with them.  (Unless you’re allergic and then maybe that’s not the best idea)
13. Don’t be friends with someone or spend time with someone just because you feel you must.  I’ve ‘friend-cleansed’ over the years and I’m much happier.  And I know that some people have ‘friend-cleansed’ me and that’s ok too because…
14. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea and I’m comfortable about that.
15. I am never going to be a size 8 and weigh 50 kgs.  I know some of you reading this are and that’s great for you.  But I like food and drink so I’m going to continue to eat and booze in moderation.
16. I need to do more exercise otherwise I am going to be one of those old women who is doubled over and needs oxygen at night to breath.  Watch this space. 
17. Good friends and siblings are worth their weight in gold and I’m blessed that I have a bunch of people in my life who are in my Club.  Some of them I speak to every day; some I haven’t seen for years but all have them have played a part in making me the person I am today.
18. AFL is boring.
19. Find an employer where you don’t have to compromise who you are. I’m lucky that I work for a company where I can largely be myself – I say ‘largely’ as I don’t think Uncle Ernie really want to see the raw, real Ali.  If you do, you’ll find that you’ll end up working with an amazing bunch of people who you genuinely like, have fun with and respect – a lot of whom are friends first, colleagues second.  That’s people like you – Jen, Annie, Micha, Renae, Sharon and McG.
20. F*** Boys make good friends but not good boyfriends/husbands.  Speaking from personal experience I can vouch for the former and suspect that statement extends to the latter.  I spent too many years trying to change them into worthwhile human beings and realised, too late, I was wasting my time.
21. Learn to cook.  You don’t need to be a Michelin star chef to whip up a decent meal.  If you master the basics and figure out what ingredients go well together, you’re 99% of the way there.
22. You can never have enough shoes, wallets, or handbags.  It doesn’t matter what the scales say, you can always purchase shoes, wallets and handbags secure in the knowledge that they will ‘fit’.
23. Know who you can trust.  We all need people who will get buried with our secrets.  On the flip side, you may be that person for someone else so be honoured you’ve been chosen to keep things in the cone of silence and don’t disappoint them and break their confidence.
24. Master the art of politeness and have good manners.  Hold a knife properly – it’s not a pen.  Say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ when it’s warranted.  Put ear buds in when you’re watching videos on your phone in public.  All really easy things to incorporate into your daily life and you’re less likely to be called an asshole.
25. When it comes to shoes, comfort take priority over fashion – but you can have both.  Leave ugly shoes where they belong – in the shop.
26. Dress for the shape you are rather than the shape you want to be.  I haven’t always done that but now I do – sometimes, admittedly, with the help of Spanx.
27. Figure out early in your drinking career what your hangover cure is.  For some, it’s a fry up.  For some it’s a Maccas or a Smoothie.  Mine is either chicken tom yum or rare beef pho – weird, but it works for me.  Consuming eggs and anything with milk prolongs my hangover by hours.
28. The relationship you have with your parents when you’re an adult is one of life’s joys.  Make the most of it as you don’t know how long they’ll be around for.
29. Sleep is one of the most important things that you do.  Learn how to sleep well.  It’s something that’s been lacking for most of my life and I am very jealous of people who manage to nail 8 hours a night.
30. Disagreeing with someone is fine.  We’re never all going to agree on everything.  But it shouldn’t harm your relationship.  I lost one of my best friends because she disagreed with something I posted about Brexit. 5 years on, it still makes me sad.
31. Lead like Jed.
32. Advise like Leo.
33. Think like Josh.
34. Speak like CJ.
35. Argue like Toby.
36. Write like Sam.
37. Understanding the concept of compound interest is hugely important and allows you to plan for your financial future.  Having a fund manager for a husband gave me a bit of a leg up – I just wish I had met him when I was younger as I would probably be sitting on a beach sipping a Mojito in some far flung tropical paradise.
38. But, while you plan for your future, make sure you have fun today!  There’s no point being old, rich and sad.  You want to be old, not wanting for anything, happy and have fabulous memories.
39. Take photos.  There’s no excuse now as everyone has a camera on hand.  They will bring you joy and evoke happy memories in the years to come.
40. An outfit can go from good to great with the help of a properly fitting bra.  It’s a free service in all good department stores.  Don’t shoehorn yourself into a 34D when you’re actually a 36G. 
41. Also – polish your shoes.  It’s no use looking like a million dollars from the ankles up!
42. Only fly business class if you can afford to do it for the rest of your life.  You simply will not want to turn right again.
43. Trust your gut.  If something’s too good to be true, it probably is.  If something’s not quite right, then it’s probably not.  If someone looks dodgy then they probably are.  It’s better to be safe than sorry.
44. Stick up for people who aren’t as strong or confident as you.  You may one day be the person who lacks strength or confidence and will welcome someone doing the same for you.
45. A cold, rainy day in Scotland can sometimes be better than a 28-degree, sunny day in Melbourne.
46. Never buy single ply toilet paper. 
47. We’re all living in a dystopian society and it’s largely because the minority are stuffing it up for the majority.  But it’s still important to do the right thing even when others don’t.  Don’t become the minority – it’s not cool and you’re an asshole.
48. You can’t change the past – so don’t beat yourself up about something you’ve done/not done.
49. Sometimes life gets too much, and it can be overwhelming.  It’s perfectly ok to put your hand up and ask for help.  In fact, if you don’t, you’re an idiot.
50. Have something to look forward to. During Covid times and lockdowns, it seems like Groundhog Day and having something to genuinely look forward to is helpful to your wellbeing.
51. Remembering to take your lactose pills 20 minutes after you’ve eaten pavlova and a cheese plate isn’t helpful at all.  And related to this – see point 46.
52. You’re responsible for your own happiness… it’s too important to delegate to anyone else.

Love

Me xx